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There is a thing that we all fear, that (let’s face it) few of us understand, but we all experience.

This strikes panic into the heart.

It is the formidable Blue Screen Of Death *cue music of DOOM!*

My laptop has served me faithfully for five years. We’ve had our ups and downs. It started off with a ridiculously loud fan whir that took taking out the battery to fix. And then it had a phase of taking forever to log in, and slowly things have got worse as it’s got older, and now the poor thing is on its last legs. Most times I turn it on it’s a toss-up as to whether I’ll encounter the dreaded screen of sapphire menace. And even now, I’m wondering whether being able to post this is a race against time! It’s never a good thing when you have to pray that your computer will last just a little while longer.

Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. It BSODs (‘blue screen of death’s) when I open the internet, it BSODs when it’s just sitting there, and even BSODs when I just turn the thing on! The poor afflicted machine is in its last days, and I can almost hear the death rattle of the hard drive spinning its final revolutions. *sigh* Bless, it tries.

I wonder what laptop heaven would look like? Probably devoid of messy humans who tinker and drop crumbs and spill drinks on the keyboard. And no dust to clog things up. So a clean, sterile place. With air conditioning. And probably no lights, either, because laptops don’t need to see – unless they use their built-in webcams. And they would all talk in that Microsoft Sam voice. Lots and lots of Microsoft Sams. And Microsoft Annas. Maybe Microsoft Sam and Anna would meet finally, after having to be two voices on one programme. Maybe, just maybe, every computer holds a silent agony of longing between Microsoft Sam and Anna, of the same machine, but forever to be absent while the other speaks. Poor Sam and Anna. So this absent romance would flourish in that cold, white, sterile room; a spark of colour in an otherwise impersonal place. Hmm…

So maybe all this BSODing is my laptop longing for that bliss, Sam and Anna fighting so hard to be together that it overloads circuits and trips up the poor machine’s function.

Maybe.

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